Looks Like Killer Bean Forever (2009) Just Got... Decaffeinated

Now THIS is the kind of so-bad-it’s-good garbage we can get behind! Thanks to our patron, Danica, for suggesting this little treasure in our Discord server. Mwah.

Killer Bean Forever isn’t the kind of movie you’d be able to watch in a theater. It was borne of that wild wild west age of the Internet when everyone was just futzing with whatever tools they could get their hands on to make their masterpieces. As such, it’s a jigsaw puzzle of half-baked plot ideas, regurgitated character archetypes and story beats, agonizing comedic timing, and some of the worst voice acting I’ve ever heard.

And it was glorious.

It opens on a 5-minute choreographed breakdance with an army of identical anthropomorphized coffee beans in a warehouse, and that was enough to hook my roommate (who happened to be passing by the TV) into watching the whole thing. That sets the tone for what followed: an hour and a half of nonsense with the occasional clever quip (“Out for jury duty” or the Social Security number bits, for example) that somehow kept us laughing for the duration. And hey, director/producer/writer Jeff Lew definitely used royalty-free music, but I’ve seen worse usage of generic action movie tracks.

That isn’t to say we liked it—it’s a garbage film with only the barest resemblance to an action film. But it somehow manages to walk the perfect line between taking itself too seriously and not seriously at all, and it makes for a genuinely enjoyable evening with friends and tasteful inebriation.

That said, fair warning: In line with the classic detective/action movies from which it draws inspiration, this movie dabbles in a good amount of racist stereotypes. The most egregious example is an assassin sent to (SPOILER ALERT) kill Killer Bean, Jet Bean—the only yellow-colored coffee bean in the movie with tradition Queue braid, something vaguely resembling ninja armor, and an uncomfortable rendition of a generically “Asian” accent. Interestingly, Jeff Lew himself is of Asian descent (we looked it up, but I couldn’t find any details on where exactly his family is from), and we were suddenly reminded of the Internet culture—specifically that of YouTube—in 2009.

So much of the content created by people of color and other marginalized groups at the time were riddled with self-deprecating stereotypes and jokes, often a thinly veiled attempt at separating themselves from those who white people would label as “too sensitive.” These groups were only just beginning to establish a voice in popular media, and one of the safest ways to build an audience was to appeal to the white people who wanted their own racist tendencies validated by members of the groups they insulted. I don’t think it was generally a conscious decision, but rather a coping mechanism for creators who were trying to break into a world that was, at best, passively hostile to them from the beginning. It’s uncomfortable to watch now, but only because Internet culture has largely moved on from needing to appease the white gaze. Ultimately, our discomfort with this element of the movie was a sign of progress. If nothing else, it was interesting to view this through the lens of someone 13 years beyond the culture that motivated creators to make characters like Jet Bean.

There’s nothing in particular to like about Killer Bean Forever. But taken as an emblem of its time and a goofy reproduction of familiar action tropes, it managed to charm us while our guards were down. I said at the beginning of the episode that I regretted watching Killer Bean Forever, and I was being mostly facetious, but let the record show: I had fun watching this movie. I may even watch the opening breakdance for fun. But don’t tell anyone.